Increased Risk of Mental Health Problems
Sibling rivalry can severely impact mental health due to the feelings of stress and anxiety that START in childhood. This lifelong competition for attention, love, and approval from parents, teachers, and friends can create a sense of insecurity and instability. This creates constant worry about personal value and worth. A sibling may believe their brother or sister is better than they are - they may believe their sibling is smarter, more popular, and more confident. The result is low self-confidence, low self-worth, and a dependence on the direction of or validation from others.
Research shows that sibling rivalry can increase a person’s risk of developing mental health problems. The negative emotions associated with sibling rivalry raise a person’s likelihood of developing problems like lifelong anxiety and depression. What may seem an unimportant comparison among SIBLINGS can impact a person’s well-being over a lifetime.
Early Development of Negative Core Beliefs
When I work with adults deeply affected by sibling rivalry, their negative core belief systems are deeply ingrained. To avoid the negative impact of sibling rivalry in adulthood, it is essential to address it early on to help people develop a positive sense of self. When a young sibling compares him or herself to the other and believes they aren’t as good as the other, low self-confidence, feelings of inferiority, and feelings of inadequacy take root. This is detrimental as it severely impacts a person’s sense of self, core beliefs, and self-confidence - what they believe about who they are and what they are capable of.
Sibling rivalry can create long-term resentment and strained relationships between siblings. The negative experiences and unresolved conflicts from childhood often carry over into adulthood, resulting in strained relationships and ongoing animosity. This can have a detrimental effect on overall happiness and sense of belonging. Other times, it creates feelings of dependence on siblings - one sibling may feel that they are ‘less than’ the other, and may depend on their brother or sister to protect and guide them.
Sibling rivalry can increase feelings of isolation. When one is constantly at odds with siblings, one may feel excluded or left out, leading to a sense of emotional detachment. This can have detrimental effects on overall mental well-being and the ability to have healthy relationships.
Generational Impact
This problem may also have a generational impact. The competition created between siblings can put pressure on their children and make their children part of the competition. One sibling's children must be better than the children of the other, pitting cousins against cousins. The children become objectified, and as a result, their lives are negatively affected. The pressure they feel from their parents can lead to various problems including low self-worth, depression, anxiety, and feeling ‘less than’ or even unloved if they don’t measure up to a parent’s expectations.
Breaking Away and Uncovering The True Self
When I work with clients whose identity has been affected by sibling rivalry, treatment focuses on building self-worth and uncovering the client’s true self - the self that is underneath the layers of negative self-judgment the client has carried over their lifetime. The goal is to break away from negative self-judgment, find confidence, and most importantly, build a solid and accepting positive core belief system. I tell clients that they must break away from their negative core beliefs and shed the self-judgment created by sibling rivalry.
Treating self-worth issues resulting from sibling rivalry requires a comprehensive and empathetic approach. It is important to provide clients with the necessary tools and support to develop a strong sense of self-worth that is not dependent on comparisons to their siblings or the validation of others.
The use of positive affirmations and self-reflection exercises is the place to start. The client must identify positive qualities that counteract their negative self-talk (the dialogue that runs in your head) and negative core beliefs. Another crucial aspect of addressing self-worth is promoting individuality. Each person I work with comes in with a unique identity. It’s usually easy for me to see, but difficult for them. We inventory the positive, unique things about them. This helps the client recognize their own identity and value independent of their siblings. When this begins to happen, it’s almost miraculous to see the person who emerges from behind the pain.
Identifying and utilizing a support system outside of the family is essential. As a therapist and coach, I support clients and help them stay on their newfound path. Decades of self-judgment have become their ‘default’, and it is extremely challenging to change. Challenging negative beliefs and self-talk when they arise is key. Understanding and having insight into the problem is the bedrock upon which change can occur.
