The Importance of Daily Emotional Energy and how We Use It

Dr. Larry Cohen Therapist and Life Coach Marlton NJ, and Voorhees NJ (856) 352-5428 Contact NJ Therapy & Life Coaching

When a client explains their current problems and emotional struggles, I introduce the importance of daily energy and how to allocate it. Reflecting on how you allocate the limited amount of emotional energy you have in a day can help you gain insight into what is and is not worth expending energy on. I frame daily energy as a pie chart. The pie is the total amount of energy you have available each day.

Since the pie = 100% of your daily energy, I ask people to identify what is and is not worth expending energy on. Relationships, family, work, anger, resentments, fear, joy, love? When you cut up the pie, you can clearly see that expending energy on the negative is a waste. What is truly worth expending your daily energy on?

Energy and Personal Growth

The first step in managing your emotional energy is to recognize and accept your feelings. Being able to recognize and then reflect on your emotions brings about personal growth. Doing this allows you to process your emotions and prevent them from draining your energy. When you recognize negative emotions and have insight into why you are feeling those emotions, you are better able to cope with them successfully.

Become Emotionally Intelligent

Developing emotional intelligence is crucial for maximizing your emotional energy. This involves understanding your own emotions as well as those of others. Work on enhancing your self-awareness and ability to understand how others are feeling. To better understand others you must have empathy - the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes and see the world as they do. Doing this allows you to better cope with difficult problems and situations and conserve your emotional energy.

Be Mindful

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing your energy. By staying present in the moment and having a non-judgmental awareness, you can redirect your energy toward the positive. Mindfulness also helps you respond to stressors with greater success. This prevents you from becoming emotionally exhausted. And being emotionally spent takes a lot of energy to actually maintain.

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a vital aspect of preserving and revitalizing your emotional energy effectively. Being understanding and kind to yourself AND NOT JUDGING YOURSELF is a must. Negative thinking and emotions are the enemy when it comes to preserving emotional energy. Stay away from perfectionism and be forgiving of both yourself and others. Being angry at yourself and resentful of others is a waste of your limited daily energy. Being compassionate adds to your energy, not detracts.

Set Good Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining emotional well-being and not expending energy on things outside of yourself. By establishing limits on your time, energy, and relationships, you can conserve emotional energy. Prioritizing self-care and saying no when you need to allows you to invest your energy where you choose. Be aware of what is happening in life so that you can actually choose what you want, not just react to life situations.

Focus on Positive Emotions

Positive emotional states take very little emotional energy to maintain. Negative ones, like being angry and resentful, burn up a lot of your limited energy. Carrying negative attitudes only hurts you as it depletes your limited energy. Question whether the negativity you are feeling or carrying throughout the day is helpful or a complete waste of energy. Being positive and feeling positive emotions is a far better use of your daily energy. POSITIVE ATTITUDES DEPLETE YOUR ENERGY FAR LESS THAN NEGATIVE ONES and can even add energy to your day. I ask people to look at and, if needed, work to change their perspective on life. Also, do things that bring you joy. Work to enhance gratitude in your life to maintain and positively impact your daily energy.

Work to Regulate Your Feelings

Learn to regulate your emotions better. This can help you manage and channel your emotions in a useful way. Learn deep breathing techniques, learn to meditate, and work on reframing your thoughts. For example, are you catastrophizing? Or is the situation at hand manageable? Can you cope effectively?

Find and Nurture Supportive Relationships

Having supportive relationships is crucial for your emotional well-being. You must surround yourself with positive people who listen and support you just as you are. You can also work with a therapist who will listen and support you. These relationships increase our energy - they make us feel validated and ‘heard.’

Learn From Past Successes

I tell people to put their positive experiences - their successes, be they professional, personal, or emotional, in the bank. When you find yourself feeling like you can’t succeed, that circumstances and emotions have you beaten down, you can reflect and draw energy out of this bank. See the successes you’ve had in the past - understand how you succeeded and remember how you felt - and withdraw some of this energy from that bank when you most need it.

Recommended reading: Self-Judgment and Obsessive Thinking.