Examining Core Beliefs

Dr. Larry Cohen Therapist and Life Coach, Voorhees NJ (856) 352-5428 Contact NJ Therapy & Life Coaching

Examining and Challenging our Core Beliefs

Take a moment to think about (or, even better, write down) what you believe about yourself. Who are you? Are you a good person? Do you believe you are a failure? Do you believe you are not good enough? Or do you believe that you are worthwhile with important things to share?

These belief statements are examples of what are called ‘core beliefs’ - deep down, what we believe about ourselves. It is essential to recognize that your core beliefs are with you every moment of every day. Even though you may not be conscious of these beliefs from moment to moment, they are there. They may be locked away inside of you, but they are there, and they might be undermining your daily life and sabotaging your personal happiness and success.

The Impact of Negative Core Beliefs

Let’s examine the impact of negative core beliefs. Let’s say that one of your core beliefs is that you are a failure. You often think, “I was a failure yesterday, I am a failure today, and I will be a failure tomorrow.”

As the days, weeks, months, and years pass, this negative core belief, now deeply ingrained, seems more and more true each day. You can no longer remember when you started believing that you were a failure, but now, deep down, this belief is an absolute truth.

Eventually, no matter how well you’ve hidden this belief inside of yourself, it will activate and enter your consciousness. Because of this negative belief, you will get triggered and experience an emotional reaction when the belief is activated. If you feel you’re a failure, you will get very defensive, or perhaps very depressed, when someone calls you a failure.

You wonder, “why am I feeling so bad about myself?” If at your core you believe you are a failure, the belief drives feelings such as depression.  

Our thoughts trigger our emotions, and our emotions drive our behaviors. I add that our core beliefs cloud our thinking, and a more intense emotional reaction than expected can occur as the result. 

When a negative core belief is activated, our emotional intensity level increases, leading to behavior that is what would be considered an overreaction to the situation at hand.  How this looks: core beliefs and thoughts lead to emotions and emotions drive our behavior. To change your emotions and your behaviors, you must be mindful (aware) of your thoughts and emotions.

How we interpret things is directly impacted by our core beliefs, so our emotional responses are skewed. When you become aware of a negative thought or an emotion, question whether it has been clouded by your core beliefs. Most if not all negative beliefs you carry are baseless and untrue.

Work to recognize when your thoughts and emotions have been effected by negative core beliefs and question whether the belief is true. This will help you clear up your thinking, and lessen or change your emotional state. This awareness can be life changing. Instead of reacting to things, you can begin choosing how to behave.

Believing that you’re a failure or that you’re not good enough can bring up feelings of insecurity, fear, worry, and anxiety. have you ever felt highly anxious without knowing why? Remember to consider if your feelings are the result of a negative core belief activation. We sometimes feel emotional without knowing why - the feelings may be the result of negative core belief activation. 

Healthy Core Beliefs

Core beliefs aren’t just negative. A healthy core belief might be “I am a good, kind person. but I am human, and I sometimes make mistakes.” This core belief reflects positively on yourself, while recognizing human imperfection and the need to be kind to yourself when a mistake occurs. Note the lack of perfectionistic fervor contained in this core belief. Expecting yourself to be perfect is a trap, because when you aren’t perfect you intensify negative core beliefs like “I am a failure”.

If you believe at your core that you are a failure, you are neglecting your humanness and the importance of self-forgiveness. If you expect to be perfect, you are doomed to a life of disappointment and self-loathing. It is near impossible to experience appropriate levels of self-esteem under such circumstances.

Internalizing the Negative

To understand the importance of challenging your negative core belief systems and how to rewire your brain, let’s address how negative core beliefs form. First, recognize that your negative core beliefs are likely not facts. Negative core beliefs are taught to us, handed to us, or forced upon us by other people.  

Take your Life Back

Take a moment to reflect on a new born child. A child enters our world completely innocent. No child is born a “failure”, and no child is “just not good enough”. All babies are inherently good and completely free of any negative beliefs about themselves. You were not born with negative beliefs about yourself. We internalize, accept, and come to believe that these beliefs are true because at some point in our life, someone told us they were true and we believed them.

As we grow up we learn to create our own negative beliefs by comparing ourselves to others. i remember how early the comparisons began. In elementary school, I was taught that I was not the smartest kid in the class. Was i dumb? Part of me started to believe this. Then I discovered that I wasn’t the best athlete. Aren’t men expected to be great athletes? Suddenly my virility was in question (in 3rd grade).

Consider waiting to be picked by a team at recess and making friends (do they like me? If not, what’s wrong with me.)  Some people were picked on as children, and they discover that their negative core beliefs were formed when they were young.

As an adult, would you believe something mean a child said to you? Probably not. But, experiences like this can haunt us and form our negative belief systems. To help change your negative core beliefs you need to recognize that just because someone said something doesn’t mean it’s true. Use insight - understanding this - as your tool.

It is essential to confront your negative core beliefs. Remember who taught you that you weren’t good enough. Revisit shameful experiences from your youth and recognize that a child has nothing to be ashamed of.

We can’t change the past, but we can change how we see the past - we can change your perspective. When you do, you will discover that many of the negative core beliefs inside of you  aren’t yours - they belong to someone else - someone who shamed you into believing they were true.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparisons aren’t worth your energy. Work to accept and cherish who you are. Be proud of who you are, challenge your negative core beliefs, and recognize yourself for who you truly are.